Self-Love and YOUR Health

Let’s start off by asking a crucial question.

What is self-love?

Self-love is that soothing, warm, inner glow that starts from inside and radiates outward. Now, just because ‘self’ is the root of the word doesn’t mean it has anything to do with being selfish. What a lot of people struggle with is this idea that if you take time for yourself, you’re being selfish, self-centered, not caring enough for others. We all know the drill. I’m here to tell you that if you don’t have self-love, it’s as bad as a broken bone, an addiction, a disease. This is SERIOUS.

But before we get into that, we were finishing up talking about what self-love even is. It’s a safe, happy state that is centered around your own core strength, where you can tell yourself everything will be okay, where you’ve got your back. If you cultivate it enough, self-love goes deeper and deeper, filling up your cup, to the point where you can lean on it. I find one of the best ways to really understand this is to go through my ‘hug’ exercise, so I’ve included it below for you to try out if haven’t had a chance to already. It’s also a great way to take a moment and find yourself again.

Why so serious?

So, why is it so important that you have self-love? Because without it, you end up standing in a proverbial room with all the low vibrational energy you don’t really want around. What’s that you ask? Stress. Depression. Anxiety. Headaches. Insomnia. Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS). Fibromyalgia. Chronic Pain. Cardiovascular issues1. Lowered immune system function1. Fatigue. Shortened life expectancy. Research2 has proven these connections and has even shown that people who struggle with perfectionism (one manifestation of lack of self-love) take longer to recover from heart disease or cancer.

These are just some of the real physical implications. Unfortunately, there’s more. Low self-love negatively affects3who people choose as a romantic partner, can cause professional stagnation, and these individuals are less likely3 to have healthy habits. The list goes on.

The most important lesson I have finally learned from my own life’s challenges is that it’s not external events that have the most profound effect on our self-esteem. It is how we view our own life and life’s events. Ultimately, it’s the inner belief we have in ourselves that guides our journey. Do we really believe we deserve to live in a bad relationship? Do we really believe we deserve to be mentally or physically abused? Is our negative belief in ourselves keeping us in these negative environments?

- Elizabeth Venzin - Founder and CEO of the Australian not-for-profit organisationMind Shift - The National Self Esteem Initiative4

At the root of it: self-love is the foundation for everything you want to create and live in your life. Without it, it’s impossible to live your Vortex of Success, achieve your dreams, and live your best life.

What’s going wrong?

So what’s happening? Although everyone’s experiences are unique, core wounds are often rooted in negative childhood experiences such as abuse or trauma, and/or identifying with or taking on a parent’s wounds. These core wounds then follow us into adulthood and become further entrenched. Instances of behaviours that can come out of this are when we consider everyone else before ourselves, or when we tell ourselves (often subconsciously), “I’m not worthy of being treated well in this relationship.”  

Sometimes childhood instances are compounded, or an individual may have experiences as young adults or in adulthood that contribute to the formation of core wounds.

Let's look at the example of perfectionism: when you think you’re pushing yourself to be better and do better, but you’re really pushing yourself into a fight or flight response that drags you in the other direction. Egged on by social expectations that tell us our self-esteem depends on being the best, the most successful, we end up setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves that we wouldn’t even dream of setting for our loved ones5.

Inevitably, situations arise when these expectations aren’t met. We feel shame, stress. We are our own worst bullies. We say things to ourselves that we would be appalled to overhear an adult saying to a child. But somehow when it’s in our own minds, it’s okay. In doing these things we actually self-sabotage, and make the goals of success and well-being even more difficult to reach5.

It may be reassuring to know that research5 has actually shown that self-criticism in fact undermines our motivation. Which means if you’re a perfectionist, you can stop now, it’s okay! But I think we all know that it’s not really that easy. Habits have been formed in our minds and bodies, sometimes for many years. But remember, just because you’ve learned these habits doesn’t mean you can’t unlearn them. And guess what? You HAVE the power to learn new, better habits. Habits that put self-love at their core.

How do we make it go right?

The crucial question. While some people naturally find it easier to tap into or reach a place of self-love, a lot of people actually struggle with this. The most important step: taking action. Acts and a mindset of self-love will lead to results and that change you’re looking for. If you’re receiving this newsletter, you’ve already started taking the importance of self-love and your well-being seriously. Well done!

At the root of the issue, so much of what goes on in our hearts and minds flies under our own radar. On top of this, change and coming face to face with pain is never easy. This is one of the reasons why in my sessions I do energy work with people so that they can connect with their Soul-Self. By doing this I am able to remove their core wounds and clear space so they can both receive and accept love, helping them make big steps forward on their journey to self-love.

If you’re asking, “what else can I do?” 

• Remember to use the resources I’ve created for you:
• sign up for Ignite Your Soul MP3 series and listen frequently to break through the resistance.
  
• join the Well of Wisdom Soul Circle community and get access to a library of resources and a personal spotlight for highlighting any issues you're experiencing    
• book in an appointment and get started on getting to the root of your core wounds.
• reach out to me with a question or issue you're experiencing.

As always, I’ll also continue to provide support and helpful insights in monthly newsletters, and in our upcoming blog which will give you more tips, tricks, meditations and so on throughout your journey.